"Another important discovery for me was this: The solution to a problem in one part of the pyramid generally lies below that part of the pyramid. For example, if my correction of my children isn't working--if I've studiously tried many things and my children just aren't responding--the solution is not to try still more methods of correction. The solution is to do a better job of teaching. In the absence of more effective teaching, my attempts to discipline will always be disappointing because "discipline" is not the problem; nor are the kids the problem. A lack of teaching is the problem. Similarly, if my teaching is consistently falling flat, the answer is not to teach more. That's often the temptation, but it's a mistake. When my teaching is failing, the solution is to build better relationships. And finally, if my relationships aren't what they should be, what does that reveal about my own heart? What repenting and softening do I need to do? How could I be more meek and lowly in heart and more submissive to the Lord? So when we seem to locate a problem at one level of the pyramid, we should look below it for the solution."
6 comments:
This is super interesting and true I think! Nathan and I were just talking about it tonight after our FHE discussion about discipline. I will have to write this one down...keep the parenting stuff coming!
That's very insightful and causes me to take another look at the way I approach my kids when they need to be corrected. I think we are all struggling to find what works for us and our families, and it's always nice to learn new ideas.
That is such a perfect way to look at it! I'm going to try to remember the pyramid as problems arise... as they are bound to. The thing that is amazing to me is how often we as parents have to repeat the same teaching. I forget that the kids don't always "get it" the first time they are taught. More teaching and less correction... that will be my new mantra!
Glad I found your blog!
Yes, keep these parenting ideas coming! This is very timely right now, and definitely shifts my viewpoint of what is causing some little discipline problems here. I was trying to find a Brigham Young quote about what a mother's relationship with her child should be, but I can't find the exact quote I'm thinking of. This, however, is excellent: Brigham Young taught that “kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment towards them will bind our children to us with bands that cannot be easily broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us." I especially resonate with that phrase, a "holy deportment" toward them. It reminds me how much I need to respect these growing, learning spirits in my home.
Reminds me of this one also by Brigham Young-- he truly was ahead of his time!
"A child loves the smiles of its mother, but hates her frowns. I tell the mothers not to allow the children to indulge in evils, but at the same time to treat them with mildness. If a child is required to step in a certain direction, and it does not seem willing to do so, gently put it in the desired way, and say, There, my little dear, you must step when I speak to you. Children need directing and teaching what is right in a kind, affectionate manner."
Yep, I love this pyramid. I've thought if it many times during parenting struggles in the past few years. Definately some truth there.
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